Thursday, December 25, 2008

All Hail the Baby

This'll probably be seen as sacrilegious, but it's Christmas, and I tend to take things literally, so I can't help thinking that this holiday is all about worshiping a giant baby.

Considering I spent the past year in the thrall of Madame Bossette, that makes me wonder what the Baby Jesus was like.

Was he cranky? Colicky? Did he keep his parents up all night for months on end?

Did he throw his food on the floor?

Did he grab Joseph's nose and pinch it really, really hard, then grin when admonished not to?

Did he point at whatever an adult was eating or drinking and make incessant, angry noises, demanding to be given whatever foodstuff that was -- even if it was a glass of wine or something else children aren't supposed to have?

Did he demand to be breastfed constantly? Did he bite Mary's nipples? Did he rip her blouse open to try to reach the milk?

Oh, no, you'll say. He was a perfect little angel. Well, don't forget: He was a man, too. A man who started out as a baby. One that we all worship. . .

5 comments:

Stumpylizard said...

Well, supposedly his newly washed cloths, which I assume were diapers, had the ability to cast out demons. Which had to be handy in biblical Palestine. (Under verse 12 of the following.)

http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/0806.htm

And he may have been a perfect little baby, but you wouldn’t want to get him mad when he was a toddler. His chum’s Moms were forever having to ask Mary to get Jesus to restore their children to life/human form.

http://www.britishmuseum.org/explore/highlights/highlight_objects/pe_mla/t/the_tring_tiles.aspx

Joseph LeMay said...

he changed water into wine when he was about 5. That's the first recorded Jesus event other than the birth, so we'll never know the answer to your question.

Joan Novark said...

This is great! I never expected to get such educated responses.

Changing water into wine... Now there's a miracle any toddler's parents would appreciate.

Marinka said...

this is so funny! I love that picture. And the questions are certainly ponderworthy!

Goody 2 Shoes said...

This really made me crack up, and I needed a laugh at xmas time.
Thanks Joan (love the possessed newborn picture too!)